My Money, My Aunty, My Friend

The Uncomfortable Ask

“Is your money issue worth risking a cherished relationship?”

It’s one of those questions that sits heavy on your heart. Someone you love needs help — maybe a close friend, maybe a cousin. They’re in a bind and come to you. You want to say yes, but deep down, there’s a flicker of fear: What if this changes everything?

Money and relationships can be a complicated mix of love, loyalty, guilt, and unspoken pressure. We’re raised to help each other, to “be there” when it counts. But when generosity meets silence, and repayment turns into avoidance, the emotional toll hits hard.

The Risk of Friendship Loans: A Seven-Year Lesson. My Sister’s Story

It began with a phone call that sounded desperate: “I need $1,500 for a medical emergency.”
My sister didn’t hesitate. She trusted her friend completely — no contract, no witness, no record. Just faith.

I remember asking, “How did you get all that money?” and, later, “When will she pay you back?” My sister smiled it off, saying, “She’s my friend — she will.”

She didn’t.

For seven years, the debt lingered. There were awkward texts, emotional distance, and that creeping sense of regret every time her friend’s name popped up on her phone. When repayment finally came, the friendship was already gone.

Lesson: When expectations are unwritten, disappointment is guaranteed. Lending without boundaries doesn’t make you generous — it makes you vulnerable.

Why Lending Feels So Awkward

Lending money to people you love is one of the most uncomfortable financial decisions you’ll ever make.

A national survey found that 53% of Americans are uncomfortable lending any amount of money to friends or family. Nearly 46% say they’ve had something go wrong after doing it — lost money, broken trust, or strained relationships.

And it’s not just a U.S. thing. In the UK, almost half of adults admit they’re too embarrassed to ask for repayment once they’ve lent money.

That “awkward factor” is real. We avoid confrontation to protect relationships, but silence often leads to resentment — and financial stress that could’ve been avoided with clear communication.

The Family Pressure Trap: Expectation vs. Loan

Family brings a different kind of pressure. Helping out isn’t just kindness — it’s an expectation. Saying no feels like betrayal.

One famous example is Emmanuel Adebayor, the Togolese footballer. In a now-viral Facebook post, he opened up about years of relentless financial pressure from his family. As his success grew, so did their demands: houses, cars, tuition, and more. When he tried setting limits, he was called selfish.

The constant stress and guilt eventually led him into deep depression.

Adebayor’s story exposes a truth many of us live quietly — when financial success turns into family dependency, your emotional well-being can crumble.

Truth Bomb: A loan is a debt. An expectation is a trap. Don’t confuse the two — and don’t let guilt dictate your giving.

Protecting Yourself: Legal and Practical Steps

Setting financial boundaries doesn’t make you heartless — it makes you healthy.
Here’s how to lend money responsibly while keeping your relationships intact.

1. Put It in Writing

Even with family or friends, always write down the agreement. Include:

• Full names and addresses

• Loan amount

• Repayment schedule and term

• Any agreed interest

This isn’t distrust — it’s documentation.

2. Define Loan vs. Gift

Be explicit: Is this money a loan to be repaid, or a gift you don’t expect back?
Ambiguity kills relationships faster than honesty ever will.

3. Keep Proof of Payment

Always use traceable methods like bank transfers or mobile money.
Keep receipts, screenshots, and statements — paper trails protect peace.

4. Consider Collateral (for Larger Loans)

For bigger sums, a signed IOU ("I Owe You" and represents a written acknowledgment of a debt), witness, or even collateral can add accountability.
It’s not rude — it’s responsible.

5. Communicate Clearly

Talk before you lend. Discuss repayment timelines and what happens if delays occur. A difficult conversation now prevents a painful one later.

6. Tax Impact

In many jurisdictions, a “friendship” loan, above a certain threshold, must be declared on your income tax return. Do your due diligence. 

Protect Your Financial Peace

Generosity is a beautiful act of love — but it should never cost you your stability.

You have the right to say no. You have the right to protect your savings, your goals, and your peace. Lending money should never become a source of anxiety or resentment.

At the end of the day, the most loving thing you can do for yourself and others is to set boundaries. If you can’t afford to lose it, don’t lend it.

Start Budgeting With Purpose — Free Tools Available Now

Budgeting with Purpose is about more than tracking expenses. It helps you understand your financial reality, identify blind spots, and build long-term clarity.

Two free tools are now available to help you get started:

• Free Budget Tracker

The AfroBudgetinGirl Budget Tracker helps you see your money clearly, plan monthly or yearly, track irregular expenses, and prioritise actions using the Action Priority Matrix.

• 200 Questions Workbook Extract (Free)

Some financial risks don’t appear in spreadsheets. This workbook extract helps you uncover blind spots, understand what’s driving your decisions, and map those insights into numbers using your budget.

The Money Design Session (Coming Together)

These tools introduce the Money Design Session — a practical way to map your financial ecosystem, identify patterns, and strengthen your foundation with intention.

Here’s what to do:

• List every part of your financial environment — from family and work to culture and media.

• Analyse how each one influences your mindset, habits, and goals.

• Identify patterns and blind spots.

• Strengthen your foundation by aligning your money with your true objectives.

This is how budgeting becomes a tool for direction — not restriction.

Want Early Access?

The Budgeting with Purpose Masterclass is in development.

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I’m AfroBudgetinGirl, and this is my Diary — where every story matters because your story matters.

Through real experiences and true lessons, I help you question, plan, and protect your financial journey.

Financial literacy isn’t just about numbers — it’s about boundaries, courage, and self-respect.

So next time someone says, “Can you help me out?”, ask yourself: Will this help them — or hurt me?

If this story resonated with you, keep exploring the Diary — there’s more here to support your financial clarity, boundaries, and purpose. Click here.